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Professional Education and Respite Service Inc. Newsletter

All About Behavior and Discipline - AUGUST 2010

Dear Parents, Professionals, Friends:

We trust that you have had an enjoyable summer but are also looking forward to the new school year and break from the kids. Smile.

Professional Education and Respite Service Inc. has recently developed new programming that we would like to share with you. Further description of these services may be found at www.thepers.com Click on services and read more about our new:

• Effective Parent Program: a personalized prescription for families that are having difficulties with behaviors. Whether you believe you have been ineffective in dealing with your child's difficult behaviors or you are just experiencing some issues that perplex you, we certainly can provide and some answers that can jump start you and get you on track. I will personally come out and spend a total of eight hours with you and help you solve your family's challenging behavior issues. We also invite you to one of our free workshops so you can begin trying some new strategies.
• IEP Tutoring: With the kids going back to school, our IEP tutoring program is just the answer for you when it comes to supporting your child's IEP objectives. One of our licensed Special Education Instructors will come to your home and tutor your child in academics, vocational skills, daily living, or life skills.

We will also keep you informed each month of our monthly SATURDAY AFTERNOON RESPITE PROGRAM activities. A four to one, child to staff ratio will help ensure a fun and safe time for you child and a good break for you. Please locate PROFESSIONAL EDUCATION AND RESPITE SERVICE on FACEBOOK and click on "LIKE" and you will receive immediate notices of up and coming events.

Enclosed you find four articles providing information on positive behavior approaches. Please don't forget to take a look at the new up and coming events and resource links below.

Enjoy our August Edition. We hope it is helpful.

Sincerely,

Jesse A. Kushner, M.Ed.
President

How to Discipline a Child With Autism

Autism Spectrum Disorders, commonly known as ASD, affect approximately 1 in 150 people and the diagnosis is increasing annually. Autistic disorders range from mild to severe on the spectrum. As more children with autism are diagnosed and enter school, parents and educators will need additional information and training on how to manage the challenging behaviors that are characteristic of ASD. Some of the symptoms of ASD include extreme rigidity, poor social skills, impairment in non-verbal communication, engagement in restrictive patterns of behavior and/or preoccupation with objects of limited interest to others. Intense behaviors, such as temper tantrums or rage episodes typically occur with the disorder. Interventions and patterns of discipline that are specific to the autistic child have been identified as effective across multiple settings.

Instructions

Step 1

Use direct verbal messages in a calm, neutral tone of voice. Say the child's name and give short, simple commands without the opportunity for choice. Individuals on the autism spectrum are very literal and concrete in their communication and don't understand subtle social cues such as voice inflection, facial expressions and gestures. Choices you present to them can be overwhelming.

Step 2

Avoid confrontation and power struggles. Individuals on the autism spectrum tend to obsess or "get stuck" on things. If a power struggle ensues, the child becomes more engaged with the tug of war than the original issue. This can lead to rapid escalation of negative behavior such as temper tantrums or aggressive behavior.

Step 3

Provide expectations and predictable consequences for behavior. Individuals on the autism spectrum crave external routine and structure because they are typically unable to provide this for themselves. Transitions and change are very difficult for these children and you always need to reinforce your discipline in a consistent manner.

Step 4

Reinforce compliant behavior and avoid rewarding non-compliance. Identify the function of behavior. Individuals on the autism spectrum seek social interaction and attention in negative and inappropriate ways. Limit interactions and stop all requests during intense behavior. Reward low intensity and desired behaviors.

Step 5

Be proactive, not reactive. Use measures to prevent escalation of undesired behavior before it occurs by providing structured environments, avoiding significant triggers and minimizing inconsequential requests and arguing. Allow escape to a planned place if necessary to calm the child.

http://www.ehow.com/how_5000912_discipline-child-autism.html

Five Strategies For Dealing With Your Child's "Bad" Behavior

By Jan Baumel, M.S

Does it seem like your child is being stubborn or ignoring you on purpose? Learn how to better understand and cope with his behavior.

Are there times when your child seems to willfully defy you? Do you receive frequent notes or phone calls from school about those same behaviors? Out of frustration, do you find yourself raising your voice or saying things you later regret?

Understanding your child's behavior

Behavior is a way of communicating with others. It can be aimed at getting something, such as your attention or a snack. You may have experienced this when you're talking on the phone and your child just has to speak to you. Behavior may also be designed to help him escape doing something that's really hard or would keep him from having fun. You may have noticed this when you ask him to do his chores, but he'd rather play computer games. As a parent, you may think you understand what your child's behavior is telling you. But even though you know him well, there will be times when the message isn't clear.

Strategies for managing frustrating behavior

Following directions

If your child doesn't follow directions, it's easy to believe he's being stubborn or ignoring you on purpose. But his behavior may be covering up problems remembering or understanding directions. Perhaps you're talking too much - giving him more than he can handle verbally.

Next time see if these strategies help him:

• Get his attention and eye contact before giving directions.
• Show him what you want him to do.
• Make a picture chart or list to serve as a reminder. Ask him to explain directions or show you what he's supposed to do before he gets started.
• Reduce the amount of talking (lecturing) you do to him.

Tackling homework

If your child doesn't start homework until the last minute, you may think he's being lazy or defiant. But maybe he doesn't know how to get started. Perhaps he has problems with the concept of time or can't decide when his work is good enough. Some kids think the "due date" is the day they're supposed to "do" the project.

These ideas may help to make homework time a little less frustrating:

• Have him set a goal for quality and amount to do on an assignment before he begins.
• Get him started on his homework to make sure he understands what's expected.
• Set a timer for a certain amount of time to help him get a sense of how long things take.
• Teach him to use a daily, weekly, or monthly planner so he can plan assignments and their due dates.
• Help him break long term assignments into smaller parts so he has less to do at deadline time.

Sitting still

If your child just can't seem to sit still to get anything done, it's easy to believe he's just being difficult. But he may physically need to move more than his brothers or sisters because that's who he is. Here are some ways to help:

• Make sure the chair and desk heights are right for him - feet flat on the floor and writing arm supported by the desk surface - when he's doing homework.
• Be sure all necessary supplies are handy for him so he doesn't have to jump up and down to get things he needs.
• Make sure he knows what he's supposed to do and when he's supposed to do it.
• Build in opportunities to move - get a drink of water between activities or show you the project when it's finished.

Working on his own

If he never seems to get anything done unless you're sitting right next to him, it's easy to believe he wants all your attention. But maybe he's unsure of himself and doesn't want to make a mistake. Or he might need a little extra help keeping his attention focused. These may build confidence and increase independence:

• Ask him to tell you what he thinks will be easy and what will be hard before starting to work.
• Do the first sentence or problem together to give him an example to look at.
• Watch him do the next part of the assignment to make sure he really understands what to do.
• Check his work at regular intervals so he can't get too far off track or become distracted.

Talking together

Depending on what else is going on in your life, you may feel you can't cope with your child's frustrating behaviors another moment. But that's when you most need to remain calm and avoid power struggles. Here are some tips for communicating:

• Set aside plenty of time to talk, and listen to him when he tells his side of the story.
• Ask him "What's going on?" rather than "Why are you acting that way?"
• Mention the reward he'll get when he finishes rather than what will happen to him if he doesn't.
• Write down two or three ideas you both agree would help him do better next time and put them in a place you can refer to easily.

Try to keep feelings separate from problem-solving. If tempers get heated, agree to stop for awhile, but set another time to continue. By involving your child in this process, you'll be teaching him skills necessary for his future success.

http://www.greatschools.org/special-education/health/dealing-with-frustrating-behavior.gs?content=710

Reinforcing Positive Behavior at Home

Written by HealthyPlace.com Staff Writer
Nov 01, 2008

Using praise and positive reinforcement can truly improve your child's behavior. Here's how to do that. Positive reinforcement is the most powerful and useful method of changing or developing behaviors. Unfortunately, good behavior is usually ignored in most homes, at school, and at work. Reinforcement is very familiar to everyone, but it is not used as often as it should be. In fact, if you master the use of positive reinforcement with your child, you will notice really dramatic improvements in behavior. The difficulty is in knowing how to use reinforcement and then in actually using it.

The following suggestions on how to help the child with behavior problems is taken from Parent Management Training by Alan F. Kazdin, Director and Chair of the Child Study Center at the Yale University School of Medicine and Director of the Yale Parenting Center and Child Conduct clinic.

How to make your praise most effective

• Deliver praise when you are near your child. When you are close to your child, you can be sure that the behavior you are praising is taking place. Also, when you are close, your child is more likely to pay attention to what you are saying.
• Use a sincere, enthusiastic tone of voice. You don't need to be loud, but make sure that you sound thrilled about what your child is doing.
• Use nonverbal reinforcement. Show your child you are pleased by smiling, winking, or touching. Hug your child, high five him, or pat him on the back.
• Be specific. When praising your child, say exactly what behavior you approve of." Wow, thank you so much for picking up your shoes and putting them in the closet." You want to be specific.

Just as positive opposites make a positive behavior more likely, so do prompts. A prompt is a cue or direction we give to get someone to do a behavior, for example:

1. Be specific. Tell your child specifically what you want.

   DON'T SAY	SAY
   "Pick up your toys."	"Please pick up your toys and put them in the toy box."
   "Be good." or "Don't fool around."	"When you're on the school bus, remember to keep your hands to yourself and stay in your seat."

2. Be calm. Keep a positive or neutral tone in your voice when you give a prompt.

   DON'T SAY	SAY
   "Put your dish in the sink!"	"Please put your dish in the sink when you are done,"

3. Be close. Go up to your child when you talk and make eye contact.

   DON'T SAY	SAY
   "Suzy, go tell your brother to hurry up with his shoes.'	"Johnny, please put your shoes on in the next minute or so, ' so I can help you with your coat."

Effective Discipline Guidelines

Effective discipline really begins with rewarding and praising positive behaviors. When you are faced with a problem behavior, mild punishment techniques can be effective, but only when they are paired with positive reinforcement for the positive opposite of the problem behavior.

1. Remain calm.
2. If you need to take a privilege away, take it away for a short period of time, such as TV or phone privileges for an afternoon or an evening. How immediate and consistent the punishment is usually is more important than how big the loss is or how upset your child becomes.
3. Praise and reinforce your child's positive behaviors (positive opposites):
• Temper tantrums versus handling problems calmly
• Teasing others versus playing cooperatively with others
• Talking back versus using your words calmly and respectfully
• Physical aggression versus keeping one's hands and feet to oneself when angry

Whenever you want to change behavior, focus on the positive opposite. The positive opposite is the key to increasing positive behavior, and every problem behavior has a positive opposite. It is the behavior you want your child to be doing instead of the negative behavior. Your child is more likely to do the positive behavior if given the positive opposite than if punished.

Prompt for a behavior no more than twice. Three prompts for the same behavior is nagging.

Sources:

Excerpts from Parent Management Training by Alan E. Kazdin

Rotella, C. (2005). When your child whines, screams, hits, kicks, and bites-relax: This man can help you find your inner parent. Yale Alumni Magazine, 69(1); 40-49.

http://www.healthyplace.com/parenting/parenting-skills/reinforcing-positive-behavior-at-home/menu-id-61/

Reinforcing Small Changes In Your Child's Behavior

Are you baffled about how to manage your child's difficult behavior? Remember that each step he takes toward better behavior is a move in the right direction.

By Ray Levy, Ph.D.

"Doo-doo diaper-head!" That was the name Michael, age 5, called me in my first interview with his mother and him. Frustrated, and not wanting to be in a psychologist's office, Michael was angry and showed it the only way he knew how. Embarrassed, his mother calmly scolded him, "Don't say that, Michael. That's not nice." Not knowing what else to do with her misbehaving son, she soon directed her attention back to me.

As a psychologist, I want to see the behavior in my office that parents often have trouble with at home. While Michael's outburst was helpful for me to see, I knew that his mother was disturbed by it. During the third session, Michael again became upset, but instead of resorting to calling me names, he took on a sour face, stared for a moment at me, turned abruptly away from me, and faced the window. "Michael, that's rude! Now turn around and stop that pouting." Again his mother was upset by his inappropriate behavior.

"I know you get frustrated with him, Mom," I responded, "but he's showing better behavior and doing a child's version of a self-imposed timeout. Actually, it's better than calling me names."

"I guess so," his mother replied hesitantly, "but he can be so rude. How do I stop him from being so rude and mean?"

While Michael's mother is at a loss about how to handle her difficult child, she is also somewhat hesitant to reinforce a small but positive change in his behavior. "But it's still inappropriate," his mother commented when I noted the change from the first to the third session.

How children and adolescents learn

Children and adolescents with learning disabilities (LD) and Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (AD/HD) often have social and behavior problems along with their learning and attention problems. Rarely do their difficulties occur in isolation of other manifestations. Many parents, teachers, and therapists try rewards or punishments to change much of their defiance or inappropriate behavior. All too often we excuse these children because we believe the myth that they "can't" behave and that it is not within their capabilities. As a result, many grow up thinking the world will tolerate their unruly or just plain "rude" behavior.

As children grow, most children "get it" or seem to incorporate the subtle nuances of our social dance. They understand that when another child rolls his eyes, it is usually a sign that he has had enough of your behavior, or that a sigh means move on to another topic. While these subtleties are often naturally intuited, when a child doesn't easily pick up on them, we often become frustrated and try to teach these skills with our endless lecturing, scolding, and comparison to another sibling or another child. All of our attempts usually fall on deaf ears. Our children's "deaf ears" are not out of defiance, although it often looks like that, but due to a disability. These disabilities are similar to a math or a reading disability and should be handled accordingly. The problem with our approach is two-fold: first, we don't reinforce small changes, and second, we tend not to teach skills but use punishment instead. This article will deal with the first problem.

When students fail a subject, say math, we don't expect them to immediately make an A. Instead, we look for slight improvements like a D- with our tutoring. This signifies they are moving in the right direction. From a D we look for them to improve their grade up to a C and so forth. If I asked any teachers of a student who was failing what the first sign of change would be, they would all indicate a D or thereabouts. Yet when it comes to behavior, we expect children and adolescents who misbehave to immediately right their wrongs and exhibit perfect behavior, hence, go from an F to an A.

One cause of misbehavior

One such patient, Ryan, an oppositional 16-year-old, was continually late on weekends, violating his curfew. His mother would ground him but first engage in a lengthy lecture that usually ended up in a screaming match between the two. Later, to cut down on her worry, she purchased a cell phone for him and instructed him to call her if he was going to be late, hoping the cell phone remedied the situation. The following weekend Ryan took the phone as instructed but didn't turn it on. Again, on returning home late, he was grounded along with a lecture on how insensitive and selfish he was. Several weekends later, he was permitted to go out again. Ryan took his cell phone, turned it on, and when his mother called, had his girlfriend answer it. Ready to pull her hair out, his mother later consulted me on why he does this and why he just can't follow the rules. "Doesn't he see how much easier life would be if he just followed the rules?"

One reason Ryan wasn't following the rules is that he felt whatever he did wouldn't be good enough for his mother. His exact words were, "What's the use?" He was not only dejected but demoralized. He demonstrated his demoralization in even more defiant behavior. "It doesn't matter what I do," Ryan retorted. "Mom will find something wrong with everything I do."

I've heard this cry of demoralization over and over again in my practice from kids 3 years old to late adolescence. In their attempt to get better and improve their behavior, they often move up a step or two on "the ladder of better behavior" only to have their improvement not acknowledged but criticized. Children with AD/HD and LD especially need to know what behaviors we want to see instead, not just what not to do, as we so often let them know through our punishment. Being specific about expected behaviors and movement in the right direction is vitally important and essential to kids with LD. If we are not clear with our expectations and simple encouragement, they relapse to their original poor behavior.

Small steps to help your child

An easy and extremely effective way to change a child's behavior is to note the small improvements or steps that he takes. The psychological term for this is "successive approximations." Successive approximation, or Reinforcing Small Changes, as we refer to it in my practice, involves picking a single misbehavior, determining the smallest sign of change, and then noting when the child has displayed that behavior. For many inappropriate behaviors, or misbehaviors, this is an effective tool to instigate change.

For instance, many parents hate the insolent and disrespectful tone with which their adolescent often talks to them. "How do I make him stop talking to me like that?" is often the response of a parent. Instead of just telling your sullen adolescent not to talk to you that way, find a time he is talking to you with a respectful and appropriate tone, and then say, "Jeff, see how you're talking to me now? That's how I want you to talk to me when you are angry or upset with me. I can hear you much better. Please do more of that." Even if your teenager is talking to you about new computer games or a sports event, he is less defensive and better able to register what he is doing and how he is communicating with you so he can replicate it.

Now just commenting on better behavior once will not ensure that all future problems are solved. Remember, kids don't go from F's to A's in one quick motion but rather with persistence, encouragement, and over time. Hence, you will have to find several times over the course of many days that your adolescent is talking in a respectful tone. Also, the next time he is upset, note after the argument any slight changes you may have perceive; i.e., "Brett, I noticed earlier today when you were upset with me, you didn't use any cuss words. Keep going on that track. You are in the right direction." Your adolescent not only hears what you want him to do more of, but he doesn't get discouraged.

How to reinforce a small change

1. Decide what behavior you would like to change, e.g., child has awful table manners, including wiping his mouth on his sleeve and using his hands instead of utensils. , e.g., child has awful table manners, including wiping his mouth on his sleeve and using his hands instead of utensils.
2. Determine the smallest sign of change, e.g, using his napkin or fork once or twice. (Note: Here is where most parents and teachers fail. They set the bar too high and look for a moderate, not small change, such as, good table manners most of the time. In effect, this is expecting your child to go from F to B+. Not looking for smaller changes will be a guaranteed lesson in demoralization for your child.) Also remember, that a 'sign of change' doesn't necessarily have to be a behavior your child has never exhibited before. Your child may have used his napkin or fork. You just want to increase the likelihood that he will do it more.
3. Let your child know what the problem is and what behavior you eventually want to see. "Cory, your father and I would like to see your table manners improve. We would like to see you use your napkin and your fork and chew with your mouth closed." (Tell your child what you want to see, not what you don't want to see. Be specific.)
4. Then notice the smallest sign of change that you can comment on. "Thank you, Cory. I noticed that you used your napkin" (even though he only used it twice the entire meal).
5. At a later date, let your child know the positive behavior change you observed with a message that you want him to continue and you want to see more of it. "Cory, again I noticed that you were trying to use your napkin more. Also, there were several times that you were chewing with your mouth closed. You are on the right track; do more of that!"

Small changes become big changes

Remember, big behavior changes are a conglomeration of smaller changes and don't occur without those building blocks. In the earlier example of Ryan violating his curfew, what could his mother have done differently? First, she should continue to ground him for violating curfew. Reinforcing small changes does not mean allowing misbehavior to slide. Second, she could have noted the small changes that he exhibited, such as, taking the cell phone with him, having his girlfriend answer it, or coming in 1½ hours late instead of his usual 2½ hours late. Acknowledging any or all of these steps towards better behavior would have amounted in continued, but slow, improvement with Ryan instead of his abject resentment and demoralization.

While improved behavior doesn't occur instantly, we often inadvertently discourage it by not noting small changes. By setting the bar lower, and raising it consistently over time, we are much more likely to get better behavior from our obstinate youngsters.

Finally, as far as Michael calling me a "diaper-head," I've been called worse.

http://www.greatschools.org/special-education/health/reinforcing-small-changes-in-your-childs-behavior.gs?content=814

Upcoming Events in the Spotlight

FOR AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDERS
http://www.ttaconline.org/staff/s_events/s_events_subcontent.asp?dis=2

FOR PARENTS AND FAMILY
http://www.ttaconline.org/staff/s_events/s_events_subcontent.asp?dis=18

Resources for You

FOR AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDERS:
http://www.ttaconline.org/staff/s_resources/s_resources_subcontent.asp?dis=2

FOR INTELLECTUAL DISABILITIES
http://www.ttaconline.org/staff/s_resources/s_resources_subcontent.asp?dis=8

FOR ADD/ADHD
http://www.ttaconline.org/staff/s_resources/s_resources_subcontent.asp?dis=1

FOR EARLY CHILDHOOD
http://www.ttaconline.org/staff/s_resources/s_resources_subcontent.asp?dis=17

FOR PARENTS AND FAMILY
http://www.ttaconline.org/staff/s_resources/s_resources_subcontent.asp?dis=18

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Professional Education and Respite Service Inc.