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Professional Education and Respite Service Inc. Newsletter | |||
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| WHAT THEY ARE SAYING | |||
| THIS IS WHAT THEY ARE SAYING ABOUT OUR FREE EFFECTIVE PARENT WORKSHOPS:
"Very informative. You tauht me how to deal with my oppostional defiant child. Thank you."
" I loved the positive reinforcement approach. I've learned a great deal about being consistent...you gave us a research based answer why consistency is so critical."
To attend one of our free effective parent workshops, click here If your organization or group would like a free presentation for its members contact us at MISTERK@THEPERS.COM
 AND RECEIVE PARENTING TIPS DIRECTLY ON YOUR PAGE. | |||
| 10 TIPS FOR PARENTS OF DEFIANT CHILDREN | |||
| Recognizing Good Behavior
By SYLVIA JOHNSON Sept. 15, 2009 |
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| PARENTING TIPS FOR ANXIOUS KIDS | |||
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Expectations of your child
It's important that you have the same expectations of your anxious child that you would of another child (to go to birthday parties, make decisions, talk to adults). However, understand that the pace will need to be slower and there is a process involved in meeting this end goal. You can help your child break down big tasks into smaller steps that your child can accomplish (first go to the party with your child and agree to stay as long as your child is interacting with others, next time stay for the first half hour). You can help role-play or act out possible ways your child could handle a difficult situation. Saying it out loud makes kids more confident and more likely to try the strategy when your child is alone.
Build your child's personal strength
It's important to praise your child for facing challenges, trying something new or brave behavior. Some children like big loud exuberant praises, others like a quiet pat on the back. There is a lot you can do to help build your child's competence. Search to find avenues where your child can show he is good at something (music, art, sports). Also be sure your child has jobs around the house that show your child is contributing to the family.
Letting your child learn to do things on his/her own
While tempting, it is best not to take over or do it for your child. While this might help your child feel better right now, the message your child is getting is that you don't believe your child can do it. Then your child will start to think the same way about him or herself. Try not to get caught continually reassuring your child that everything will be okay. Teach your child to answer his/her own questions and provide the reassurance him/herself. You can model how you think through and respond to your child's questions.
Helping your child handle his own feelings
It is okay to let your child experience some anxiety. Your child needs to know that anxiety is not dangerous but something your child can cope with. You can let your child know all feelings are okay and it is all right to say what you feel. Anxious children sometimes have a hard time expressing strong emotions like anger or sadness because they are afraid people will be angry with them. It's okay to take time for yourself even if your child wants to be with you at all times. You are modeling for your child that everyone needs some time to themselves.
Passing on your fears
Try to keep your fears to yourself and as best you can present a positive or at least neutral description of a situation. Let them know that it is safe to explore. It is not helpful to laugh or minimize your child's fear. But humor does help one deal with the world, so show your child how to laugh at life's absurdities and mistakes.
Working together as parents
It is important to work with your spouse to have an agreed upon way of handling your child's anxiety that you both feel comfortable with. It is very important that one parent not be "too easy" because the other parent "pushes your child too much." This is very confusing for your child who does not know what to count on.
Consequences
Don't confuse anxiety with other types of inappropriate behavior. It is very important to set both expectations and have limits and consequences for inappropriate behavior. Parents who have reasonable expectations of their children and clear and consistent limits and consequences for behavior along with love and acceptance have the most competent, self confident and happy children.
Brought to you by The Children's Center for OCD and Anxiety.
http://www.worrywisekids.org/parents/parenting_child.html |
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| THIS IS FOR YOU | |||
 David was the perfect baby. However, that changed, and my happy little boy became fearful and wasn't interested in playing with others. These behavioral challenges were later diagnosed as Asperger's Syndrome, and nothing could prepare me for how the real world would perceive him.
Once, when David threw a tantrum, a woman said, "I think someone needs a rap on his bottom." She then tapped him with her rolled-up paper. Some well-intentioned family members would also say, "There's nothing wrong with him. He just needs some discipline."
Unfortunately, I took these comments personally. Like the time a man gruffly whispered in my ear, "It's not his fault, it's yours!" after witnessing one of David's tirades.
A woman once called David a brat while we were in church. She was silenced when my husband reminded her that we are all God's children.
I have been equally blessed with "angels." One hectic morning, I struggled through the store with my two children when a man appeared and said, "Lady, you have two beautiful children."
Another time, while eating in a nice restaurant, a woman stared at David's behavior in disgust. This irritated my husband until a man approached us and said, "You've got yourself a real nice family."
Of all the statements, none can compare with the one made by Jayme, a parent at my daughter's school. He must have overheard a conversation about David's special needs. "What's his disability?" he asked. "Asperger's Syndrome," I replied.
I expected him to respond in the usual way when someone doesn't know what to say. Instead, he said, "I hope the Lord gave this to you to do some good." I will never forget the force or the challenge that lies within those few simple words. |
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| A GUIDE TO PARENTING A CHILD WITH INTELLECTUAL DISABILITIES | |||
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by Barbara Stanley Children with intellectual disabilities should be raised, basically, as though they were children without disabilities. Children strive to live up to a parent's expectation as long as the expectations are within reason. No parent should decide how little his child is capable of until he has given the child a chance to do the best he can. Many parents with children of normal intellectual abilities and one child who is intellectually disabled, will raise their children with two sets of discipline rules and lower expectations for the disabled child. This is an injustice for both children. If an average five year-old is punished for playing around in the family room, causing a vase to fall and break, while his eight year-old brother, who is disabled, gets a pass, the average child will grow up resenting his brother. The disabled brother will come to realize that his misdeeds go unpunished.
Parents mistakenly believe that, if John is an intellectually eight year-old in a fourteen year-old body, he should not be punished because he cannot make the connection between the bad behavior and the punishment. These same parents have no misgivings in punishing their average five year-old for the same behavior, believing he has the ability to connect the bad behavior with the punishment. Both boys are able to make the connection. If a five year-old knows not to run in the house, an eight year-old knows not to run in the house. Intellectually disabled children can learn, they just take longer to learn. If the disabled child is never spanked or made to take time-out, he grows up believing he can do no wrong and has no rules to follow. When he is a strong man of thirty with the intellectual ability of an eight year-old and throws a temper tantrum, he will be unable to fit into society. Ultimately, he will grow old in an institution. Another thing that parents forget is the fact that their twenty-five year old daughter with the mind of a four year-old has been four for twenty-one years. Even a four year-old can learn much in twenty-one years. For the most part, parents should raise their children with disabilities as though they had no disabilities, within reason. A parent should not expect a child with an IQ of fifty-five to figure out a complex set of rules to properly use a microwave without assistance. However, this same child can be taught to re-heat pizza by pushing the button that has a picture of a slice of pizza on it. Disabled children should be taught toileting skills, how to brush their teeth properly, how to clean and comb their own hair. They should be able to dress themselves and express hunger, thirst, cold, and pain. They should be encouraged to try new things. A child may have a special ability to do something that average children are not able to do. Discipline, academics, life and social skills, as well as simple work skills, should be taught to children with intellectual disabilities. Parents need not point out the fact of their child's disability to other children or adults. It soon becomes apparent without announcement. Most children simply adjust the way they play with the disabled child as though they were playing with a younger sibling. Life goes on and will do so smoothly if you raise your child as though he had all the potential in the world. It is definite that your child will learn less if he is never given the opportunity to learn. http://www.helium.com/items/1590007-how-to-raise-a-child-with-intellectual-disabilities |
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| PERS ENDORSES " EXTRA YOU" | |||
 We specialize in providing tailored services to those who value personalized service - from the elderly, to special needs clients, busy families and corporate executives. We do things your too busy to do, can't do, don't know how to do, or plain don't want to do. We offer life management services. Some of those services are: Errands Organization Personal Bill Paying Mail Sorting Shopping House Sitting Filing Insurance Papers Companion and much more..... Although we do offer Try Us Packages....We specialize in working with clients on a regular weekly basis. We work with clients providing ALL the services we provide from 4 to 40 hours each month. Extra You is insured and bonded. Visit us at www.ExtraYou.net Thank you Rebekah. Keep up the great work! |
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| UP AND COMING EVENTS | |||
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FOR ALL DISABILITIES AND PARENTS http://www.ttaconline.org/staff/s_events/s_events.asp?disability=true |
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| RESOURCES FOR YOU | |||
| FOR ALL DISABILITES AND PARENTS/FAMILIES, PARAPROFESSIONALS
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| ON-LINE TRAININGS | |||
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FOR ALL DISABILITEIS, PARENTS, PARAPROFESSIONALS
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| We hope you have enjoyed this October issue. Again, we invite you to join us on FACEBOOK for continued discussions and parenting tips. Sincerely, Jesse A. Kushner, M.Ed. President |
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